My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
