Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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