Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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