R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
