Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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