Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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