my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Michael Bay diarrhea
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How external is "for external use only"?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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