Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
