Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
