Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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