so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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