You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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