Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
