After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
