You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
