So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
