I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
