I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
