why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
