i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
