dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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