no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
