I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
