If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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