At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my being single is dangerous.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
