Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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