is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
