You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
why is half of my head shaved?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
