im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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