I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
