Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
