Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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