Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
a search helicopter?!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
