He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
