I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
