I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
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