Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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