her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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