Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
