Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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