i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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