No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
