At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I got chris browned last night
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
