I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
