Where are you?
In a non slutty way
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
