batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize