then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize