Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
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