I'm really into asian looking animals
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
