Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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