I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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