conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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