after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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