That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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