the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Alive.
So much puke
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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