There was a lot of him and a little penis
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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