Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
