The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I deserve this hangover.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
