when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
