you mean i was at the winter classic?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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