i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
