I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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