I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
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Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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