just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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