the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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