You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
