Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
