Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
