Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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