Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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