Hey man sorry I got all grabby
...so i touched it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You pole danced in your parka.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
