I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
