Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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