last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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