Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
