yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
