Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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